My Body Image Reality

One of my favorite authors is Nora Ephron.  I particularly love her book “I Feel Bad About My Neck”.  It’s very funny and I recommend it if you want a good laugh.  When I originally read the book I didn’t feel bad about my neck.  I have been saying for years that I didn’t have many wrinkles (humor me here please!) because I was so fat all the wrinkles were pushed out.  It turns out that this seems to be true; self-fulfilling prophesy or something.

Since I have lost weight, my neck is turning into a turkey neck.  It isn’t bad yet but I can see it coming.  Oddly, one side is worse than the other.

The rest of my body has turned into what I call puppy skin.  You know how the mama dog can carry the puppy around by the skin and the little one just hangs there from the slack?  If I pull on the skin I get a few inches of slack.  This is not because I didn’t exercise enough because I surely must have.  I think I abused my body so badly that this is just the repercussions of my actions.  Losing 65+ pounds at my age is going to have some negative impact on my body.

I never intended to ever wear a bikini again but it would be nice if my stomach would at least pretend there was a usable muscle in there.  I know there will never be a 6-pack but a 2-liter bottle would be helpful.

And if that isn’t bad enough, Michelle Obama had to go and make fantastic looking arms fashionable.  First ladies should absolutely be required to keep their arms covered.  When I am in the middle of a hot flash it can be 20 degrees outside and I am miserable.  I wear sleeveless blouses or tank tops all the time.  I have worked with weights and there IS muscle under all this loose skin.  You cannot SEE it but believe me, it is there.

This leads me to ask if there are any cosmetic surgeons that do Pro- Bono work?  Can I donate my body to a cosmetic surgery school?  Since I am not interested in a bikini body scars wouldn’t bother me.  I would like to be able to look really good in clothes.  If you are the guy that was pretending to be a plastic surgeon and injected super-glue and concrete into women’s rear ends – don’t bother to apply.  I want the real deal.  I’m not desperate, I’m just inquiring!

I’m not complaining; I look amazing compared to where I started.  I can now wear a size 14 comfortably and am working toward a 12.  I’m thrilled beyond belief.  Do I obsess about how my naked body looks?  No, not really.  I was at peace with my body when I was large I can be at peace with it today, jiggly skin and all.  I just think I have about 10 pounds of loose skin hanging off me and that would be better off on the operating room floor.

I’m not really interested in a face lift or a boob job, although I wouldn’t turn one down.  I would really like my arms to be pretty.  I hate feeling like the skin is going to slap me in the face if I wave my arms to fast!

I know we are not supposed to worry about that stuff  “after a certain age” but those age lines are being re-drawn every year that I get older.  I am not going to settle into being a dumpy older woman quite yet.  I think I still have a few more good years left.  Isn’t 55 the new 40?  Or something like that?