1/8/11 No more cussing.  I have to change this habit.  Can I do it?  Who knows?  It has become so common place for me that I know it is an area of my life that needs correction and has for some time.  There are a lot of people that are jokingly going to trip me up so this is going to be a hard challenge. 

I have read that foul language shows immaturity and also a lack of imagination.  I have also heard that if you are saying one “acceptable” word to keep from saying an “unacceptable” word then you may as well say the word.  I think that is a convenient excuse, justifying the behavior that you know is unacceptable.  My biggest problem is that there are many corners of my life that this is not unacceptable behavior.  I have to keep the focus on the fact that it is unacceptable to ME.  I am not worried about what others say, I am worried about what comes out of my mouth.  So on with this journey.

I made it through day one with one slip and it sure made me angry.  There was no reason for it.  I see clearly that this is a habit. 

1/9  I did pretty well today, no slips unless you count “bioch” which has the intent but not really.  It is used as slang, jokingly of me and actually as a compliment. Maybe that was a slip but it was used perfectly.  John and I practiced pool today and that is usually a hard place for me to “abstain” but I did ok.  Maybe I played well and John didn’t irritate me?   I think when I am focusing on the problem really does help.  Isn’t awareness half the battle?

1/10  Back to work and I made it until 9:09AM and a little tiny one slipped.  It is a Monday though, and early…good grief.  I can barely see let alone THINK!  It was in reference to a person and it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, except it was cussing and judgmental and insulting, but other than that, it was ok.

I work at a place that is a cesspool of bad language.  It starts at the top and goes down to the lowliest of all – ME.  I can say there is one guy that doesn’t participate but he doesn’t come into the office much either.  Hmmmm. Oh nope can’t do that, need a paycheck.  I do see that when it is acceptable it is much harder to abstain. 

9:45 Infraction #2, still minor but disappointing just the same.

And AGAIN, I seem to be having an A$$ day today.  Every time I slip it has something to do with that; dumb, rats or bad …. What on earth is THAT about? 

10:30 PM Watching sports is not one of my better moments either.  Don’t you hate honesty?

1/11 I did really well today until I talked with the insurance agent who wants to lower the insurance on our home because the value has gone down so much.  I was ok while on the phone but cussed up a storm when I hung up.   If they don’t get you coming they get you going.  I think I am going to just rent.  OBAMA – I want to talk to YOU and all your stupid Government programs that are useless. 

1/12  I seem to be very good as long as I am alone and no one messes with me.  I guess it is true that you are influenced by the company you keep.  That is a sad thing to say about an almost 55 year old woman isn’t it?   No problems all day long, the focus seems to be working.  Watching the Magic game I had one slip again, the a$$ word.  That seems to be the word of the week.  I am not sure if that is a defense word that is a more acceptable default or if I have always said it but at least there is progress.

1/13  Another day alone at work, no problems, had a nice smooth day today.  We have pool league tonight, I can do this.  I am feeling very confident now.  Awareness and willingness to change ….

I did fine at pool, of course I won the match.  Let’s just leave it there for now!

1/14  Ahh, the end of the work week, finally!  I feel pretty good about the week.  I am confident that I can keep improving if I keep focusing on what I want to achieve.  I can see that it is the unconscious moments that are the worst, isn’t that always the way?  As long as I am paying attention to my words and choosing them carefully I avoid the unacceptable.

I have a feeling this will be a long time project, most of my journeys are.  Self improvement or self awareness issues are never simple; at least in my life!

2/12  As you can see, I waited to continue writing about this journey.  I am doing well, perfect, no.  Nothing about me is perfect so why should I start now?

Determination seems to be what works.  I have worked hard to keep this front and center and really, the people in my life have been very supportive of this journey.  I am not asking anyone else to change, I am focusing on the fact that I want to change.  Telling people that I have stopped using foul language has been key because they keep me honest. 

I know this will be an on-going battle and it will be much easier to give up than to succeed.  One day at a time as they say.   One day at a time. 

By the way $*&@ doesn’t count; it may show immaturity but it is still a pass….  I am allowed a little latitude aren’t i?


2 thoughts on “NO CUSSING ZONE

  1. Great write, Marilyn. I finally broke this habit and rarely slip now, but it is not easy. I changed my environments where I heard so much and that helped a lot. Thanks for the reminder how important it is. hugs, pat

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