Maybe I should start out saying that I not a person who has it all together.  I do not always do it right.  I could never quote Book, Chapter and Verse of anything in the Bible.  I can paraphrase things I have learned but I would have to search to find where anything is specifically located.  I am simply sharing how I hear that inner voice, that I believe is God, guiding my life.  I do not mean to preach or offend.  I enjoy sharing my thoughts with others.  I like to keep myself honest.  I am just trying to be the best I can be, hoping that what I do is pleasing to God.

I had one of those ah-ha moments the other night and wasn’t too proud of what I saw.  I don’t know where I got my competitive spirit.  I don’t remember being competitive in school so it must have developed from my constant need for approval.

John and I play league pool together on Monday nights.  It is based on a handicap system.  I am at the low end of the system.  One is the lowest handicap in 9-Ball and two is the lowest in 8-Ball.  I am a two in both.  John has been playing pool for years, I have been playing on and off since we married seven years ago.  This is a team effort and I have a hard time with the whole “not letting the team down” issue.

I believe in being an honest player.  There are rules that guide proper behavior in matches and they need to be in place.  My problem is how I manipulate the things that are not in the rules.  Some women wear low cut tops for distraction measures.  Others pick at their opponent whenever possible to put them on the defense right from the start.  Any advantage you can use to win right?

There is a team we play that everyone wants to beat because they are not nice to be around.   The captain’s wife is hard to play because she plays very slow, usually taking longer than is permitted for each shot.  I figured out that her husband gets angry when she chats with her opponent, so of course, I chat away with her about her kids, vacations, anything I can think of that works.  He gets mad and yells at her, she plays horrible and I win the match.  Isn’t that what competition is about?  Using “inside knowledge” to give you an edge? 

In my head, that logic worked, it made sense.  When I said the words out loud, it sounded horrible.   I was faking a friendship with someone to gain an advantage to win a pool match.  That thought was so appalling to me that I wanted to cry.  I was horribly ashamed of myself.  That is a person I do not want to be and yet, there I was.  I decided right then and there that I would honestly befriend that girl and never behave in that manner again.  I can chat with her before or after a match and honor her husband’s request for no chatter. 

I never gave any of this a thought until the other night and now I cannot get it out of my head.  It must be a lesson God wants me to learn.  He must be softening yet another sharp edge on me.  But now that it bothers me, I can’t ignore it.  I have to deal with it within myself.  This is the way God works in my life.  He puts something on my heart and thumps me on the head until I listen. 

I’m listening God.  On to the next thump…



  1. Marilyn who does have it together? I don’t think that God made anyone of us perfect. Although I believe that we all try to be God like. Why do we expect perfection of ourselves we are human and God expects us to make mistakes he knows what our next move is going to be before we actually do it. He knows our hearts. I personally think and know that you do have together. Yes I have seen your other side girlfriend, we all have another side that we don’t like about ourself and would love to change it. I think half the battle is identifying it and then working on doing better. Which you have always been able to do…more so than a whole lot of others that I know.

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