Trying Somthing New

As most of you know I have issues with perfectionism.  I don’t really THINK I have these issues but my behavior tells me different; actions speak louder than words so to speak. The problem with wanting everything to be perfect is that it keeps me from trying new things.  I make up my mind I cannot do something because I don’t know how and if I try it won’t be right so, why bother.   The problem with that attitude is that it stunts personal growth.  It is a convenient excuse to not bother; it allows me to be lazy and that is not acceptable to me.  Once I decided that being lazy was worse than not doing things perfect I have been able to let go.

I have huge food issues.  I am a really picky eater and trying new foods is really difficult for me.  Trying new foods is hard enough but cooking them is even worse.  With all the lifestyle changes I have made in the past year, not eating starches has been one of the biggest challenges of all.  Every once in a while I have a huge craving and I like to figure out how to satisfy the craving without eating the starch.  This time, I have been craving lasagna.  I decided to ask  my mom to teach me how to make zucchini lasagna.  Whenever I made traditional lasagna I always ended up with soup so the transition from traditional to zucchini wasn’t a no brainer for me.  I quit trying to make it years ago.  (if you can’t do it right don’t do it at all…)  Asking mom for help was smart because she has always been a good cook but she doesn’t necessarily use recipes and I cannot “wing it”!

I was amazed at how little the amounts of ingredients used.  No wonder I had soup; my measurements were way off, a result of my winging it by the way!  When we were done, I was sure this was going to be horrible.  I do not like zucchini at all and I knew if I could taste it I wouldn’t eat it.   Mom showed me how to slice the zucchini very thin and then she blanched it, something I would have never known to do.  Apparently that takes the bitterness away?  When the sauce was put on I thought mom had lost her mind.  There was hardly any sauce at all, she used a spoon, I used a ladle!   I didn’t think there was enough sauce or cheese to cover up that horrible taste.

I brought home the casserole and cooked it for dinner.  I decided to have it as a side dish so that if it was awful we didn’t have to go out to dinner.  John wouldn’t touch it at first.  I was surprised that it wasn’t horrible.  I might say it was even good.  John finally took a taste and we both agreed that it would not kill us.  I can eat this, on occasion, to satisfy the cravings of the higher calorie and carb original.  A smaller serving is actually much better for me.

Learning to live a new lifestyle isn’t easy.  It is full of compromises.  Letting go of perfect is one of those compromises.  Learning to try new things is another.  It doesn’t matter whether it is with food or other things, opening my mind and allowing that gray area of life in is a very good thing.  It makes me grow and sometimes I even learn to like it.

Your challenge for the week is easy, try something new.  It doesn’t have to be food related, just do something different, open your mind and give it a go.  Let me know what you did and how you liked it.  I promise it won’t be as bad as you think!

SUNSET AT ZELLWOOD STATION

I have written before about the gathering of golf carts at sunset in our community.  Today was our day to go up and meet  this group of people.  I have been watching them for months now and I have to tell you that sometimes the stories are much better in my  head; sometimes my imagination is  better than my reality and SOMETIMES I have to hear John say “I told you so!”  I hate it when that happens.

Today was a beautiful cloudless day in Zellwood.  There was a nice cool breeze all day and the temperature in the mid 80′s.  I had taken Rosie for her evening walk and it dawned on me that we were getting close to sunset so I flew in the house and asked John to take me up to the gazebo so we could watch it set.  John really sees no reason to do this, he says that he has seen a sunset and doesn’t need to see another.  Sigh.  But I push on because I don’t want to go up there alone, in my mind these golf carts are filled with couples, holding hands and sitting quietly together watching the sun slowly drop into the small little lake.

I am impatient because John doesn’t move fast enough for me and that doesn’t start our romantic little escapade out very well.  I am sure we will miss everything by the time John gets us up to the gazebo.  John, Rosie and I get in the golf cart and up we go, John being the good guy that he is, ignoring my immature rants and of course, we arrive with time to spare.  LOTS of time to spare.

At first none of the people even spoke, so my first bubble pops.  There are other dogs with their families and they are the ones that get things moving. Slowly we start chatting and getting to know each other.  There are couples and singles.  And it really isn’t about the sunset as much as about gathering.  I said should have brought my glass of wine but didn’t because I wasn’t sure of what was proper. They made sure I knew that anything goes.  One man was telling us that we could bring our dinner up to the gazebo and eat it as the sun set.  Wouldn’t that be romantic?  As my eyes lit up John made it clear he was not participating in that!  Another bubble pops!

I decide to take a picture because I actually remembered the camera and I snap picture number one and my camera is dead, out of juice.  I don’t know if the picture took or not but I do know that there will be no other pictures taken.  And pop pop pop!

(And the picture turned out pretty good!)

As people come and go the reality becomes more and more apparent.  This is a meeting place.  It is relaxing and carefree.  And all of a sudden everyone says goodnight and leaves.  I was confused, the sun hadn’t even set yet!  But they were done and off they all went!  John was thrilled because he didn’t want to be there at all.  And off we went as well.  POP!

We ended up going for a drive around the community in our little golf cart, our family; John, Rosie and me.  It wasn’t perfect, it certainly wasn’t romantic, but it was fun.  We adapted to the moment and made our moment; not the twisted one I had in my head but our own little family moment.  John driving the golf cart, Rosie learning to enjoy riding in it and me still getting my story!

So your challenge for the week is not to watch a sunset, unless you really want to!  But this week it is to adapt to what is.  Don’t try to make it what you want, allow it to be what it really is and tell me about it.

MY PHOTO WALK

I was reading an article on how to stress-proof your life  in the May 2012 issue of Health Magazine.  One of the suggestions was to take a photo walk.  It said to head outside and photograph the things you find interesting, fun or beautiful.  It says that it helps us to look for positive images.  I thought that was worth a try so yesterday I went on a photo walk.

It wasn’t easy at first because I was busy looking for the perfect picture instead of things that were interesting.  And what did I find interesting anyway?  I decided to walk to a part of our community that I hadn’t been to before.  When I go for a run I am focused o the run itself and not really my surroundings but I pretty much take the same route.  This time I went into the side streets and tried to pay attention to the individuality of the homes.

I wished that my niece Monique was with me.  She is a photographer and her eye for the unique is amazing.  I thought if we lived closer she could teach me a thing about taking pictures; right back to looking for that perfect picture. Sigh.

But then I started to let go.   I ran across this driveway.

 

It is a bit hard to see but there are small cans filled with dirt and an American Flag.  I don’t know if they are there to block the driveway from being used or if this is a patriotic statement or both.  It was interesting and hopefully accomplished what the owner intended.

 

We live in a golf course community and it was Saturday morning; where were all the golfers?  I find golf interesting because I have not become a golfer yet.  I have taken lessons but have not done anything with them.  I’m not sure we can afford for John and I to both love golf yet.  It is fascinating that people can hit that silly ball so far and I can only make it move 10 feet.

Good things do come to those who wait.  I finally came across a foursome on the 18th green.  I hid behind a large tree so I could take pictures without disturbing them. While I am taking pictures I wonder if this is legal?! 

My picture-taking skills are not good enough to worry about that!  I’m lucky I got all four people in the shot.

As I walked on, I started paying attention to the silence.  That is one of the greatest benefits of living in a 55+ community.  It is so quiet.  I focused in on the sounds I was hearing.  The wind was whistling and there were several birds chirping away.  I’m not good at identifying what songs belong to which bird but there were several different ones.  Then I heard laughter and that made me smile.

Every so often there would be the hum of a golf cart buzzing past.  Many people have their own golf carts and that is the standard mode of transportation within the community.

Since we moved here in February we have been under drought conditions and as I walked along I noticed this area that shows how bad the drought is.

 

I am not sure if this area ever was full of water but it looks as though it should be.  I took pictures from several angles and found it sad that we need water so bad.  Please God send us rain.  We really do need it.

 

 

(another angle of the same area).

Even with the drought the area is very pretty.  There is a bench too for sitting to enjoy the view. I wonder how many people actually use it?

Those of us with dogs walk here and I notice that people really do follow the guidelines and clean up after their animals.  The area is free of litter too.  I love living in this community.  It is everything we wanted and more.

I am back to my street.  I talk about the hill going up to our home and people laugh at me because Florida really doesn’t have hills but it is true, we do.  You feel it right in your calf muscles when you are walking!  This is the view I see from my patio, isn’t it beautiful?

 

By the way, my neighbor’s house is for sale if anyone is interested!

I like this little duck!  It always makes me smile.  They took something simple and kicked it up a notch.   I wonder if she changes the flowers seasonally?  I would until I became bored with it or just too lazy to bother.

I have not met this lady yet but when I do I will have to mention to her how much I enjoy her duck.

 

 

 

 

 

Isn’t this a great picture of the flag?  There are American Flags all over the community.  I shouldn’t be surprised really since there are many military retired.

We have a smaller flag on a pole that mounts to the side of the house.  I put it out shortly after we moved in but John won’t let me keep it out.  He says that I have to take it down at sunset each night or I cannot fly it.  I personally think that is silly but I will honor his wishes.  Needless to say, it doesn’t fly much.  It is more important to honor John that fly the flag.  If I manage to hit the Patriotic holidays I will be ok.

These next two pictures I had to take later in the day because of what they are.

Every evening down by the gazebo golf carts gather to watch the sunset.  It is a pretty area with a small lake, probably smaller due to the drought.

 

 

You never know how many carts are going to be there, sometimes one and sometimes a dozen.  If we ever get our golf cart operational (we need 6 batteries at $100 each so it may be awhile) I am going to go watch the sunset with them.  Somehow driving a car just ruins the moment for me.  John is not exactly thrilled with the notion of watching the sunset but I am sure if he goes once he will enjoy it.  And, I am not above going by myself.

I have to admit taking my photo walk turned into a really nice peaceful morning.  I probably was out for less than an hour but it was an hour full of relaxation.  I was lost in time and free from phones and televisions.  Thank you Health Magazine for the suggestion!  It set a nice tone for the rest of the day.

So now it is up to you.  Go take your own photo walk and tell me how you enjoyed it.  I would really love to hear!

SLOW DOWN

I am one of  those people who leap out of bed each morning and hit the floor running.  Normally I don’t stop until I hit the bed at night.  It is hard for me to relax, I just don’t think to do it.  I really believe it is a learned behavior and I haven’t learned it yet.  On the weekends I sleep in, usually getting up around 7 or 7:30; anything later than that is not normal for me.  I fill my days trying to accomplish everything  John and I didn’t accomplish during the week.  Grocery shopping, laundry, house cleaning, plus all the fun things that we want to do.  Sometimes by Sunday night I am more exhausted than if I would have just gone to work.

This Saturday I didn’t do that.  I got up at 7:00 as usual but I started my morning slow.  I had a cup of tea and I ate my breakfast on the patio.  John and I went to the grocery store and picked up a few things we needed for our dinner that night.  After the shopping was done, I went over to mom’s and had a nice relaxing visit with her.

When I got home from mom’s house John and I went over to the Community pool.  I slowly swam laps.  I didn’t try to race or break any records, I just swam.  We took reading material and stayed at the pool for a of couple hours.  There were very few people there so it was quiet and enjoyable.

After we got home I snuggled up in the chair in my office and started reading a book that I have been wanting to read for months.  My friend Pete is a writer and this is his 4th book published.  He writes a murder mystery series that is very entertaining.  (http://www.pjgrondin.com)  I not only enjoy them because I know Pete, but also because they are a good read.  I bought this latest book when it first came out and have not taken time to sit and read.  I decided this was the day I was going to start reading this book.  I got to chapter 19 before I called it a night.

The day really was perfect.  I told John that it felt good to relax, to take the day slow and not plan every minute of every hour.  I need to do this more often.  None of the things that I fill my weekends with really matter.  I just put myself on automatic and I don’t stop.  This was step one in learning to slow down and enjoy my weekend.  I hope to have many more just like this!

So, that is your challenge this week.  Take one day and slow down.  You pick the day and define what slow down means to you.  Tell me what you did and how it worked for you!   It doesn’t have to be fancy, just honest!

Have fun!

 

 

CHANGES

My life has changed so much in the past year it is amazing.  I am healthier than I have been in years and happier too!

May 1st is when I started my initial diet, June 1st I found Dr. Meyer and really changed my life.  This week I officially started the maintenance program.  I have lost 80 pounds and pray I do not ever have to go through this journey again!  I wish to stay put and live the lessons I have learned.  I cannot find my pleasure in food anymore.  I am most grateful for the love and support I have been given on this journey.

We moved in February and I LOVE our new home.  It is a wonderful peaceful 55+ community in Zellwood (www.zellwoodstation.com) and hands down the best thing John and I have done.  When I drive through the gate after work I leave everything behind and just sigh the most pleasant sigh ever!

Now I am working on beginning a new chapter in my life.  I have no idea how this chapter will end but I am willing to go where I am led and see what new roads I get to travel.  More will come on this as it develops.

My blog is going to change now too and I am asking for your help.  Each week I will post a topic and share my experience with the topic and ask you all to participate.  PLEASE feel free to pass this along to your friends, the more the merrier!  All the topics should be easy and I will have already done what I am asking you to do.  It is an experiment I am pursuing and I hope it will be fun and interesting for all of us.

Let me begin!

Today I went blueberry picking with my sister and her friend Mary.  It was a wonderful sunny day and the berries were perfect.  I came home and made a pie for John and another one for a friend of ours;  I always make Ron a pie for his birthday.

Then I made blueberry crisp in those small individual pie tins and shared them with some of my neighbors.  They were all surprised and hopefully will enjoy their treat.  It made me feel good to do something kind for someone else.  No strings attached.  Since we are new in the neighborhood I don’t know people well and this was a good way for me to just say hello.

SO – here goes.  ONE day this week simply be neighborly.  You get to define what that means to you. The sky is the limit.

Please respond back to me on the blog and tell me your experience (good, bad or indifferent) I would really appreciate it.  I hope this will bring something fun and positive into all of our lives.  If you do not want me to post your response just tell me to keep it private and I will.

I hope you have a terrific week!

MEMORIES FROM 3 SISTERS AND MAYBE YOU TOO!

I haven’t blogged on this blog for quite a while, I am not sure why, but I am working to get back into the routine and share my thoughts again.  You have all had a break from my random thoughts!

Easter Sunday I was talking with my sisters and discussing that I haven’t had much to write about for a long time and didn’t know why.  Patti suggested that we each write a segment about a topic so that is what we have done.  Amazingly, we chose a food topic, how funny is that?!  The topic ended up being our favorite meal(s) growing up but we could spin the topic any way we wanted.  No restrictions here except it be family oriented.  So you will read from all three sisters and see how very similar and different we are.

My favorite meal growing up was mom’s lasagna.  Whenever I had a choice as to what dinner would be, that was always my pick.  Today I realize that I had no idea how expensive it was to make but I don’t remember ever not having it when it was requested.

Mom always made two huge pans of it.  The sauce was always from scratch, I’m not sure in those days if Ragu or Prego existed!  I remember the huge pans sitting on the dining room table and how much four hungry kids ate.  I still love lasagna although I haven’t eaten it in a very long time.

When we were older and had homes of our own, mom would make lasagna in smaller casseroles and we would bake it ourselves.  The first time she did this for me, I went home and threw it in the over to bake.  When I took the foil off, I found out that she covered it with plastic wrap first and then foil.  I baked the plastic wrap too!   It apparently wasn’t poisonous because I am still here!  Of course we ate the lasagna anyway!

Another favorite dish mom used to make was “city chicken” and I still love it.  She used to take chicken, pork and beef and skewer it and bake it with gravy.  I would love to tell you how to make it, and she even tried to teach me but for the life of me I do not remember.  I just love to eat it.

Mom always worked hard to cook good meals and it was impossible to please 4 picky kids.  She always cooked a meal and we always sat at the table as a family, 5 PM, always.  There was never a pot on the table; everything was in serving bowls, no paper plates.  She was and still is very particular about how her table was set.  That is one of those things that you don’t understand as a kid but as an adult looking back, it was really nice.  Thanks Mom.

FROM BARBARA

My Favorite Food?

Not long ago my sisters and I were discussing favorites – everything and anything goes when we start talking.  Marilyn is the family blogger; Patti is the reader and I’m the family historian so there are a variety of interests to discuss.  Somehow, at Easter dinner, we were discussing Marilyn’s blogging and why she wasn’t posting the way she did a while back.  Thus, the suggestion that we each participate and share on a topic was made and that’s how food became the topic.

I don’t remember having a favorite food while we were growing up; only the foods that I hated and that caused a commotion every time they were served.  I know I loved lobster, clams, and crabs when we went out but nothing seems to pop into my head for dinner at home except that I HATED peas, lima beans, liver, and pot pies most of all.  Thus, the mealtime chaos ensued.  It took bottles of ketchup, gagging, mushrooms (they were hidden in food), and going to bed early – and sometimes hungry – because Daddy and I fought tooth and nail over my dislikes.   The odd thing is that I love the vegetables that everyone else hates, including Brussels Sprouts, broccoli, and cauliflower.

As an adult, I still hate the foods I did as a child and, unfortunately, am allergic to iodine so lobster, clams, and crabs are forbidden foods.  Now, there are the foods I’ve discovered and the preparation of meals that makes life interesting.  I love to grill when the weather permits and have several other foods that only I make.  Raising children (and now grandsons) makes it a challenge to make comments about foods at a meal.  My kids understand my dislikes and each has developed a different like of foods too.  My daughter loves peas and a lot of others but my son hates most vegetables. Now it’s their turn to pass on the food legacy.  Sorry kids and – Good Luck!

AND HERE’S PATTI!

When I was about 10 years old my mom and I went out to lunch together.  Just the two of us.  We had never done that before and never did it after that time.  We went to a place I believe was called the Longwood Hotel.  It was a very old traditional Florida building.  It was two-story, built from wood and painted white…or maybe grey.  There were beautiful old oak shade trees around it.  I don’t remember, but I’ll bet there was Spanish moss hanging from them.  We got dressed up, we wore dresses and mom wore high healed shoes.  We never went out to eat, so to go out to such a nice place, just the girls…I thought it was just the most special thing in the world to do.  There are only two things I remember about the meal.  One was that they brought us a finger bowl, a bowl of water with rose petals in it and a dry cloth to wash our hands after the meal and before dessert.  How elegant is that?  The other thing I remember is that they served the most delicious little tiny peas.  They were the best things.  Years later I had those peas again…they came in a little silver can.  Who knew?  I still love those peas.  And every time I make them I think of that lunch.  Paula Deen has a recipe in her book called Paula Deen Celebrates!  It calls for two 14.5 oz cans of LeSueur peas well-drained, 4 tablespoons of butter and salt and pepper.  She says “Don’t laugh, My family loves these as much as anything fresh I make”.  Maybe it’s a Southern thing.

Thanks Barb and Patti for sharing your stories.  Now it’s YOUR turn to share.  Send a comment, as long as you like, and share a favorite food related memory from your past.  Like it or not, food is a memory maker!  I’d love to hear about your memories.  Don’t be afraid.  Memories are hugs when you share them!

 

 

My Body Image Reality

One of my favorite authors is Nora Ephron.  I particularly love her book “I Feel Bad About My Neck”.  It’s very funny and I recommend it if you want a good laugh.  When I originally read the book I didn’t feel bad about my neck.  I have been saying for years that I didn’t have many wrinkles (humor me here please!) because I was so fat all the wrinkles were pushed out.  It turns out that this seems to be true; self-fulfilling prophesy or something.

Since I have lost weight, my neck is turning into a turkey neck.  It isn’t bad yet but I can see it coming.  Oddly, one side is worse than the other.

The rest of my body has turned into what I call puppy skin.  You know how the mama dog can carry the puppy around by the skin and the little one just hangs there from the slack?  If I pull on the skin I get a few inches of slack.  This is not because I didn’t exercise enough because I surely must have.  I think I abused my body so badly that this is just the repercussions of my actions.  Losing 65+ pounds at my age is going to have some negative impact on my body.

I never intended to ever wear a bikini again but it would be nice if my stomach would at least pretend there was a usable muscle in there.  I know there will never be a 6-pack but a 2-liter bottle would be helpful.

And if that isn’t bad enough, Michelle Obama had to go and make fantastic looking arms fashionable.  First ladies should absolutely be required to keep their arms covered.  When I am in the middle of a hot flash it can be 20 degrees outside and I am miserable.  I wear sleeveless blouses or tank tops all the time.  I have worked with weights and there IS muscle under all this loose skin.  You cannot SEE it but believe me, it is there.

This leads me to ask if there are any cosmetic surgeons that do Pro- Bono work?  Can I donate my body to a cosmetic surgery school?  Since I am not interested in a bikini body scars wouldn’t bother me.  I would like to be able to look really good in clothes.  If you are the guy that was pretending to be a plastic surgeon and injected super-glue and concrete into women’s rear ends – don’t bother to apply.  I want the real deal.  I’m not desperate, I’m just inquiring!

I’m not complaining; I look amazing compared to where I started.  I can now wear a size 14 comfortably and am working toward a 12.  I’m thrilled beyond belief.  Do I obsess about how my naked body looks?  No, not really.  I was at peace with my body when I was large I can be at peace with it today, jiggly skin and all.  I just think I have about 10 pounds of loose skin hanging off me and that would be better off on the operating room floor.

I’m not really interested in a face lift or a boob job, although I wouldn’t turn one down.  I would really like my arms to be pretty.  I hate feeling like the skin is going to slap me in the face if I wave my arms to fast!

I know we are not supposed to worry about that stuff  “after a certain age” but those age lines are being re-drawn every year that I get older.  I am not going to settle into being a dumpy older woman quite yet.  I think I still have a few more good years left.  Isn’t 55 the new 40?  Or something like that?

WHAT IS A GRANDMA?

Nothing warms the heart like the love of a child, at least nothing I can remember.  I have guarded my heart for years to avoid the pain of not having children in my life.  It has been easier to avoid it completely than to suffer.

As most of you know I was not able to have children and adoption was not an option in those days for many reasons.

When my first husband and I lived in Germany in the early ‘80’s, we were very close friends with a couple that lived next door.  When they had a little boy I was lucky enough to babysit him, and Tom and I became his Godparents.  Little Tommy (that was his real name, not a fantasy name I gave him – I am not totally insane!) was a dream come true for me.  I got to fulfill all my mothering needs and I enjoyed every minute.

It was during this time that I lost my 4^th baby and learned that I was not going to be able to have children of my own.  As heartbreaking as that was for me, little Tommy helped heal that wound.  Somehow I lost sense of reality and allowed myself to become too wrapped up in the fantasy.

When Tommy’s dad was transferred back to the United States I was devastated.  I dreamed of him every night, I heard him calling my name (he called me Mimi), I saw him everywhere we went.  I missed him so much all I could do was cry.  It was like a death all over again.

My depression intensified to the point that I couldn’t go anywhere that children would be present.  I just could not deal with other people having what I wanted so badly.  Seeing a pregnant woman even sent me into a tailspin.

Finally, in order to find a way to live my life again, I had to cut off relationships with children.  I was not mean to anyone but I would not let children into my heart ever again.  People who had children could not be our friends.  That was the only way I knew to deal with the pain and sadness.  That worked rather well for more than 30 years.  Up to now I have lived content without children.

This past week, John and I went to Virginia to visit his son Sean and his family. Sean and his wife Melissa have 2 children.  I have held them at arm’s length for many reasons.  First, I am John’s wife but not his son’s mother and second, we live in Florida and they live in Virginia so we rarely get to see them.  I do not really have a relationship with Sean; how can we get to know each other when there is so much distance?  And these children have Grandmother’s that are active in their lives and love them very much.  Why confuse the issue?  I am just John’s wife.  I am not a grandmother, that honor rightly belongs to the ones they have.  And, I know if anything happens to John I would never see them again.  I mean, why would we?  There would be no reason.

So how come I came home yesterday full of joy and love for these two little ones like I have never known.  How on earth did these two kids steal my heart from me?   Somehow on this trip I became a Grandmother!

As I said, I have tried to hold them at arm’s length, not pushing myself on them.  I waited for them to come to me.  I understand kids have to warm up to people and I never like it when parents make their kids give hugs and kisses when they don’t feel the need.  It is confusing for them.

Aiden, the seven-year old, was talking at dinner one night and said he had five grandparents and asked his mom how many she had.  Later I told Melissa that I didn’t think of myself as a grandmother.  I didn’t explain why, it was just a statement.

A couple of days later I was teaching Hannah the name that Aiden gave me years ago, MeeMoo.  When Hannah said it I was thrilled.  I am not sure she actually made the connection to me but it really didn’t matter.  She said it!

I know I will have to tread carefully because I will go “all in” too soon, but I am learning that protecting my heart also robs it of a love that is sweet and pure.

I might need guidance from my friends that are Grandma’s.  I am new at this and will need to know the rules.  But then again maybe not knowing the rules will be better for me.  I will be myself and that is really all I have to give right?

 

MY GOD STORY

Ever since I was a little girl I have always heard that voice deep inside me that kept me out of trouble, most of the time anyway.  Mom said it was my conscience talking to me.  As I grew older and more mature in my faith life, I have come to believe that it is God talking to me.

Before you judge me as nuts, let me clarify how I feel it is God.  Mostly if what the “voice” tells me to do is biblical it is probably God (thanks Patti!).  For instance, God will not tell me to steal or cause harm to others.  God tells me to do the right thing even when it isn’t what I want.

I am not here to debate what anyone else should or should not believe.  I am merely expressing how God works in my life and how I understand His will for me.  It is important you understand this before I tell you my latest God story.  It is also important that you understand that I am not asking for anything else either.  We are not victims, life happens and we all do the best we can to deal with the cards we are dealt, for whatever reason.  There are many people with problems worse than we have, if you have the time and means, please help them!

For the past several years Florida’s tourist industry has taken several big hits.  We had the three hurricanes in a row one year, the oil spill, big business hurting the little guy and of course the fallen economy itself.  John’s business works directly with the businesses that sell to tourists.  He sells bathing suits; flip-flops, sandals, towels, hats, T-shirts and such.  His business has steadily declined to the point that I have ended up the main support which was never intended.  (I also had a pay cut due to the economy.)  We have suffered financially to the point that we are losing our house.  This has been a painful time for us trying to make decisions that will change everything about our little world and we have not agreed on the decisions that have had to be made.  We have consulted lawyers and made the best decisions possible.  Our mortgage company would not assist us in any way when we tried to do the right thing so we were left with no alternative but to let the house go.

A few weeks ago I talked with the mortgage company about a loan modification and we decided that this option was not for us so we declined.  I also talked with a lady about doing a short sale but did not think that would work for us either.

I love listening to Joel Osteen’s Sunday message and Sunday, September 19^th I believe, he gave a message that said that God’s plan for us was to do something “awesome” in our lives, something we had never seen happen before.  And I said to God, go ahead and awe me!  Which you know, when you challenge God, you are going to see something happen!

On Sunday, September 25^th, I saw an ad in the newspaper from a realtor that specialized in short sales.  I thought that was amazing since most of the realtors I talked with did not handle them.  Here was a company actively seeking this business.  I filed it in my memory bank and moved on since it really didn’t apply to us.

John left town Monday for a trade show in Daytona Beach and would be gone all week.  He does this every year to capture the local business that is not able to come to Orlando for the larger show held earlier in the month.

Tuesday morning when I was leaving for work, I drove past a house in the front of the neighborhood that is for sale.  There was a couple in the front yard reading the real estate sign and I heard that voice inside me say “stop and talk to those people”.  Of course I drove right on by and then heard the voice again say “go back and talk to those people”.  This time I turned around and went back and pulled in the driveway.  I asked them if they wanted to buy a house and told them to look at mine, it was for sale.  They were Vietnamese and didn’t understand English!  Ok God, what are you doing to me?  I’m going to be late for work!  But somewhere I heard call your girlfriend Buppha (she is from Cambodia).  Amazingly, she answered her phone.  I asked her to talk to the couple and tell them that I had a house for sale, a short sale, and that I was not crazy.  She does not speak fluent Vietnamese but she got the point through good enough and I loaded them in my car and drove them back to my house.  With their broken English we did the best we could to communicate and I wrote down my name and phone number.  She said her sister speaks English and she would call me later.

A few hours later the sister did call and told me they loved the house and wanted to buy it.  I was not expecting that at all.  I spent the rest of the day talking with the mortgage company to see what could be done and how to do it.

When I went home I dug through the recycle bin and found the ad from the newspaper and called the realtor.  We made arrangements to meet Thursday evening to discuss everything. They warned me that the people interested probably would not work out and not to get my hopes up.  I told them that God was directing this, it was a God thing, and it would all be fine.

I talked with the sister on Wednesday and explained that the realtor would be at my house at 5:30 Thursday and she asked if they could come over also.  I said sure, what did we have to lose?

Thursday evening as I was coming home from work, John had just pulled in the driveway from his trade show and the realtor was already there as well.  To say that John was not pleased is an understatement.

I gave the man I talked to and his partner a tour of the house and they took pictures for the listing.  They gave me tons of paperwork to complete and send back to them ASAP.  In the middle of all this the Vietnamese family arrived in full force, the couple wanting to buy the house, the sister that interpreted and two other unknown people.  Add more chaos to the party!

After all the discussions it appeared that the couple was well qualified and indeed a real prospect.  HELLO – God already said that!

I called the bank on Friday so that they could get the appraisal ordered; it is the bank that sets the price for the sale of the house.  Then I spent the weekend filling out all the required paperwork for the realtor and the bank.  We cannot list the house until we have a price, we cannot get a price until the appraisal is done and the couple cannot sign a contract until we get the price.  So now we wait.  The appraisal was done Tuesday, October 4^th.

John has not been too pleased with me through all this.  A short sale is not what he and I discussed or even agreed upon.  However, when God talks to me, I listen.  I know people do not understand this, John included, but I have to.  I have been praying for John’s heart to soften, for a messenger to come to him and help him to see this is a good thing.  He is too angry at me to listen to my logic.

Saturday, October 8^th, there was a reunion breakfast for Evan’s High School, John’s alma mater.  There is a group that meets every month, we rarely go but John wanted to visit with an old friend he knew was attending.  When we arrived, there was only one booth available and we were sitting with a retired lawyer that works at the courthouse with people going through foreclosures.  He understands all this better than anyone!  THANK YOU GOD!  John asked him several questions and I think we both left feeling better.   John is still not happy with the situation but he is more accepting than he was.  There is hope!  (and by the way, the friend he went to see never showed up!)

Of course it is now Monday the 10^th and we don’t have any answers.  That is because today is Columbus Day and all the banks are closed.  But I am not the least bit worried at this point.  I know God is working this all out for the best interest of everyone concerned.  Right now the message is” wait” so I will wait.

Tuesday, the 11^th, the bank gives me the selling price.  The realtor lists the property and the potential buyers are no longer potential.  We have a contract!  God is faithful!

We still have a long way to go in this adventure but I know God is guiding the path.  Prayers are welcome! I will write more about this journey of faith as it continues.

Have a blessed day!

 

 

MY 5K EXPERIENCE

Wednesday I saw a Facebook post from my friend Lisa about a free 5k run.  Running a 5k is a goal of mine and free certainly was a motivator.  I decided it was time to see how well I could do.  My expectations were not high, I just wanted to try.

I have been running (more like jogging, I am really S L O W) for a couple of months now.  I started my diet and new lifestyle in June and as the weight has left my body I have increased my activity level.  I can now run two miles without stopping.  So, a 5K run isn’t really out of the question, it is a goal within reach.

I signed up on-line for the run and didn’t pay much attention to the sponsorship info.  It didn’t matter to me; I was going to participate no matter what   The run was named “Step In The Name Of Love Walk/Run”. 

Thursday night at pool I told my friend Ben that I was going to run a 5K and he said he might run it with me.  I pretty much thought it was a courtesy thing he was saying because people say they will do things all the time and never do.  I let him off the hook immediately and didn’t give it another thought and was very surprised Friday evening when I received a text from Ben that said he would see me in the morning.  I was so touched by his support but still didn’t really think he would show up.  Lo and behold, Ben called this morning and was already there waiting for me. 

We weren’t exactly sure of the location of the event so we parked our car and started walking to find the event.  About a mile later, we found it.  Already I am tired. 

Central Florida has had beautiful weather all week, hot but low humidity.  This morning it feels like a sauna.  I have no idea what the temperature is but it is hot and muggy already.  This is not looking very positive but no worries! 

While waiting in line to finish registration and get our numbers, it dawns on me that the event is a 12-Step event and figure out that it is for people affiliated with recovery and their families.  I have been affiliated with the 12-Steps for over 20 years and know what amazing people belong to this amazing fellowship. 

The paperwork said the runners started at 7:30 and the walkers started at 8.  I know we started late which is not unusual for these things.  When the herd took off we were in the rear and I could not keep up with Ben at all.  I could tell I was pushing myself too hard so I stopped and told him to go ahead without me and I was glad that he did.  I ended up following two other people and was ok being last.  It would have been a bit humiliating if the walkers that started a half hour later caught up with me but that didn’t happen. 

I was plodding along the route, following others; while the others were already completely out of sight.  The trail was marked with yellow ribbons but they were not very close together.  Most of them I never saw at all and was really glad this lady leading the way knew where she was going. OR so I thought.  We ended up in the woods following a path that lead to nowhere.  It is hard to run in the woods by the way so I gave up and started walking.  We back-tracked our steps and I fell even further behind, this time on purpose.  Once I started running again they were gone and I followed what I thought was the correct path. 

I have lost 50+ pounds so far and I have not invested in any new work-out clothes.  Since I am nowhere near my goal it would be a waste of money to invest in sweat clothes that I will not wear very long.  Given that, the more I sweat the more the clothes stretched.  My pants were starting to fall down and I had mistakenly knotted the tie.  Now I am laughing at the sight of myself, pulling up my sweat-soaked pants because I couldn’t re-tie them.

By the time I found the finish line I was exhausted.  I have no idea how far I ran or walked or how much of the course I even used.  All I know is that I crossed the finish line and my dear friend Karen had come out to take pictures!  That was the nicest surprise ever!   And there was Lisa too, cheering me on!  Amazing!

Ben had finished the run and when we were talking he told me he couldn’t believe we had to run the track twice.  TWICE?  No way, I am not even sure I ran it once! 

Am I disappointed that I didn’t accomplish the goal?  Not one bit.  I did actually, because I showed up and I tried.  I wanted to see how I would do and I did!

For Instance:

1.  I am not ready to run a 5k.  I need to train a bit more before I attempt it again.
2. September 17 is still too hot to attempt a 5k for the first time, untrained.
3. Nothing starts on time
4. Addicts don’t follow directions
5. Even after 20+ years co-dependents follow addicts anywhere
6. It is easier to run the track you are used to than a new one that is unfamiliar
7. Friends show up and their support is priceless
8. Progress not perfection.
9. I am loved.

I set my goals and work toward them.  I still believe with all my heart it’s the journey not the destination.  Today I did something different, learned something and didn’t give up. I had a great day!

 

9/18 – I forgot to add the pictures Karen took!